Criticism
by madhermit
Summary: Avengers/Thor/Norse mythology/Surprise. Asgardians get to see a little bit of Midgardian "pop culture". Some reactions are mild. Some are extreme.


_AN: Originally posted in comment_fic on lj as a reply to prompt "Avengers movieverse(Norse mythology), author's choice, Jörmungandr sleeps at the bottom of every ocean, waiting for his father's call" by tigriswolf._

_Disclaimer one: The true genre of this fic is crack. Alas, it is not recognised on this site. Hence the bizarre genre mix._

_Disclaimer two: Author does not necessarily share Loki's beliefs. This is merely a speculative piece on how he would feel when exposed to certain parts of Midgardian "culture"._

_Disclaimer three: "The Avengers" and "Thor" belong to MVLFFLLC, Marvel Entertainment and Paramount Pictures. Jörmungandr described here is a part of Norse mythology, not Midgard Serpent of comics, which I'm mostly unfamiliar with. For purposes of other fanfiction, plots not recognized to be canon belong to me._

_A mythology/movie fusion. Post-"Avengers", spoilers for the movie._

* * *

Loki had expected punishment: imprisonment, torture, maiming… But not _this_.

Then again, he doubted other inhabitants of Asgard had expected something like this either.

Apparently, his _dear brother_ decided to get to know the culture of his beloved better. Stark's assistant, for reasons Loki was unable to fathom, was overjoyed to help him in this endeavour. Thus Thor came back with not only Loki and Tesseract, but a screen that was connected to a drive and a number of discs in plastic cases as well. However, discs Thor brought did not contain data – instead, when placed in the drive, they played a set of pictures in quick motion. Loki had seen this effect before, with recordings of surveillance cameras – come to think of it, he did hear of mortals using it as a form of entertainment. He just never paid heed to it, thinking such things below him. And from what he saw, his judgement was right. As always. He only wished others would see it already.

So his fat-_Odin_, in his infinite wisdom, declared that Loki should experience that which he tried to destroy without a second thought. His mother decided to join as well, curious to know anything related to the girl who captured his son's heart where many failed. Thor's mindless cronies followed suit, as always.

It was…disgusting. Appalling. But also liberating, in a way. He felt vindicated. Surely, now they could see that he was right? If only he could gather all of Asgard here, to see the true face of Midgardians, what kind of things they take pleasure in. They would be rallying under his banner, ready to smite the offensive creatures.

Alas, his family persisted in its blindness. Mother didn't even bother to hide her tears. Thor…the bumbling fool probably_ sympathised_ with the 'forbidden love'. Fandral wailing like a babe was no surprise but sniffing Volstagg was, and a most unpleasant one at that. But truly revolting sight was Sif. He expected her to feel disgusted with the female the story centred on. Instead, she was trying to outmatch his mother in emotional outbursts. Loki wanted to vomit.

But there was hope. Hogun seemed…reserved. Though he did keep handing handkerchiefs to the rest of their little group. And f-_Odin_…

Odin was frowning. Now _that_ was a good sign.

But Loki didn't get his hopes up. He knew that Odin's prime concern has always been well-being of Asgard and Asgard only. At most, he will find a way to prevent his brother from seeking out his mortal. He would not trouble with seeking to exterminate the source of filth.

No, it was up to Loki to act for the good of all again.

The fools might have sapped his magic, but it was not completely blocked. They weren't aware of the full scope of his capabilities. Unknown to all but a few, before his ill-fated attack on Midgard he managed to master dream-walking. For now, a deep connection with the other person was necessary. He intended to work on removing this limit as soon as opportunity presents itself, but for this, his current level would suffice.

He closed his eyes and gradually entered the trance. In his mindscape, he stood before a wall of swirling colours. He focused his thoughts and green separated from others, elongating into a path. He stepped onto it and walked. He looked at the path and path only; the ever-changing surroundings with constant flux of shapes and colours would have driven anyone dizzy if not mad.

It was difficult to determine time; it felt both like he had just made the first step and like he had walked forever when the path came to an abrupt end. Beyond it lay darkness, not that of the night but of the complete absence of any light. Loki stepped into it without hesitation.

The place he found himself in was a fair replica of underwater. But there was no bottom, no fishes, no corals. Only dark, dark water. Yet he was not drowning. A novice still in the clutches of untrained mind's fixations would have, but not Loki. He could breathe, speak and walk here as if though he were in Asgard.

He saw a large, coiled dark shape in the distance. He called softly to it: "Jörmungandr."

"Father?" came the reply.

It was not the first time Loki visited Jörmungandr in this manner. Secrecy was of the essence. His children were supposed to be his trump card, in case Chitauri were to turn against him. He had visited each of them by dream-walking several times to discuss strategies. Others might have called them beasts, but his children were not mindless animals. He would have been willing to bet they were smarter than his brother and his friends.

"Yes, it's me," Loki replied with unusual patience. Jörmungandr has been dormant for a long time, body and mind both. He needed to wake him up gradually, for sudden awakening could both hurt the great serpent and reveal his location to others.

"Is it time, then? To strike Manhattan?" his second-born asked, stirring.

"It is time to strike, my dear child, but not Manhattan," replied Loki.

"Where then, father? Is it not the centre of their power? Did something go wrong?" asked Jörmungandr.

"Merely a slight hitch, but nothing you should concern yourself with. You, my dear, will strike at the centre of Midgardian filth most offensive. I want you to raze it and leave no survivors. See to it that you destroy the surrounding area as well, particularly the woods," said Loki.

"Very well, father. Where is this terrible place?" asked the serpent.

"Forks, Washington," replied Loki.


End file.
